I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
