If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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