i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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