The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
