i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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