Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this hospital has no fireball
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
