just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
