im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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