We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i love accidental penises.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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