she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes