I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
