...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.