ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.