Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.