woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.