My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My Sexting was not on an AP level