well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.