we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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