I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
