I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
