I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
