they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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