My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
