I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
