I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
