Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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