He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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