Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
