I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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