I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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