I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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