I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
