Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
