there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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