Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
