It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no, he came in my armpit
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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