He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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