saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
