If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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