He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
