Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
