He uses pillows to masturbate.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He felt like a one man threesome
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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