Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
