she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
