He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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