I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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