The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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