that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
