I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
