He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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