She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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