I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
