a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
