my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
