thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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