Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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