Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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