You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
