just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
