She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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