about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
