in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
