Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
