Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
