if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
