I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
