but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You ruined the universe
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
