if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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