Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
