fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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