I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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