seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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