If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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