i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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