yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
