How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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