Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I smell stomach acid.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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