Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
