I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
