i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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