my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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